.Friday, November 12, 2010 ' 12:03 AM Y
Dear Diary,
im upset.. Like really upset.. :( i wont b able to spend much time wif bf for e next 3 days because he'll be busy.. It wont b like our usual week. I dun even get to spend much time wif him during his off day.. Bb,i miss you alrd. I miss you today. I miss you tonight. And when we were shopping for my stuffs just now,i still miss you even though you were by my side.. You were not as cheerful as usual. I knw ur tired from working e whole night and i dun blame you. E thought of us not gonna spend as much time in future because of school,extra work and whatnots upsets me further. Will our mushyness stay despite e test of time? Will i still be able to enjoy e cold winds wif you when i ride your bike,and to b able to hold your hands when we are at e highway? Will i still be able to meet you everyday,as usual? Will i be able to get ur kiss on my forehead,cheeks and hands before we go our own way for e day? There are so many will-i-be-able-to inside my head.. I fear we wont b able to go through this obstacle.. I fear i'll lose you.. I fear tt history will repeat itself. I fear being cheated. I fear this and i fear tt.. Yes,i've gotten over my past but e heartbreak still stays. Tell me,who gets over their heartbreak so easily?
Ppl who do not knw me well may think im an EASY girl to get.. Ppl who do not knw me well think tt i change my bfs just like hw i change clothes/ in e blink of an eye.. Pls do not judge me this way.. You are not me and you definitely do not knw hw i reali feel inside.. I blog abt selected stuffs onli and i dun think i have to mention every single thing tt happened to me,every single freaking details here in my blog right? Deep down,i knw i've never gotten over e heartbreak i've had because of past relationships. FAILED relationships at tt too! And its not i left,but them. They who cheated,they who lied,they who are onli sweet-talkers. So pls,understand my fear and understand my past den YOU judge..
I AM a complicated girl. And e beloved is deciphering me slowly. And for tt,i love you bf for being patient and everything. I cant lose you because you are alrd my other half. You knw me inside out alrd and no,im not gonna let other guys come near me and i ain't gonna let other girls get near you! You may say this and tt but dear boy,you dunno e feeling of being cheated. Especially when you're together wif tt someone for over a year. And pls,dun misunderstand this. Im over those guys but those break up memories still haunts me because i think, as a girl,i've suffered much in my love life alrd.. And wif you,dear love,i just wanna make sure i dun suffer e same way too.. I trust tt you take care of me like hw i take care of you.. I trust tt you wont break my heart and leave me like hw they do because i knw,my love for you is hell deep. :)
Secondly,im upset because im falling ill,yet again! Pfft. Flu and cough. Apparently almost everyone is having them. Get well soon :)
And thirdly,im sad because no one misses me :( my tagboard has no tags coming in :( and my fb is full of my emo updates :( and still,no one tells me he/she misses me. Oh wells aishah,face it! Ppl have their own life and you have yours. They are busy wif school and work and they gfs or bfs,just like you! So stop being a childish brat!
Goodnight,im off to clean up my room and den head to bed because my eyes are painful from e 20 min cry ride on e way home :( all because i wont b able to spend much time wif bf this whole week.. Oh god,pls let me live