Dear Diary,

sometimes, i wished you'd just fade away as time passes by. and by fade away, i mean physically and include those memories too. most of the time, i have to admit that my life would be better if you were not in it. i would be most grateful if you didn't even enter. even when we broke up, even when I LEFT YOU for myself and nt for other people, you're still there, trying to find fault with me. and its ENDLESS. so i guess, i shall put a stop to all these bullshits that you've posted on facebook abt me. I'VE TOTALLY HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR BULLSHITS! and everytime i point it out that you shud hv just let me knw abt your unhappiness with me, regarding my decision to leave and my ever-so-busy schedules, i think as a man, you shouldn't be letting others show sympathy with you. i think that is pathetic! why cant u just be strong and accept things as they are? why do u have to badmouth me in front of your friends just because i had to 'cancel' our plans? and cancel was your own word when all i did was either postpone it or pushed it forward! its a different matter.

i will nvr be together with someone who does not admit to his wrongs. and stop being a coward evrytime i point out your mistakes. stop being egoistic! and u need to knw the truth. i dun love you anymore, petty man. that's why i deleted you off my fb. i cant be bothered with whatever you've said abt me, behind my back etc and i didn knw that guys can be as bitchy and fake like you! i am nvr patching up with you so forget abt getting married to me whatsoever. you're the worst guy that i've been with and i know, leaving you was definitely the right choice cos at the first place, it was better to not have US. so yeahhh, condemn me all you want at fb.. i dun care. i love myself more that i will ever love anyone, at this moment. for now, i think most of the guys that i've been with are JERKS! pfft!

and hell yeah, u really went overboard this time round. i've had enough of your childish and immature thinking. and the reason i am nt serious with you is because of your attitude! i dun like your attitude.. really i dun. and by saying this, dun even think i am comparing you with other guys. this is my own opinion and mine only! your friends may always be by ur side, agreeing at your every stories abt me, bt trust me, they dunno hw miserable i am being with you and being with you is definitely a mistake. and i cant believe that i didn even cheat on you, even though i wasn a happy girl. so forget everything. your love, the memories etc. lets just pretend that we have nvr known each other and hopefully, nt even meant for each other too. i dun wan to spend the rest of my life with someone like you.

oh and this is for you! :)

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enough of that someone okayyy :)

anyways, the trip to JB with mom and nenek and nenek's friends ytd was superbly awesome! ;)

went out of the house at 7am and had to go thru all those jam at causeway and no, i was being really patient because firstly, i was fasting and secondly, because it was alrd expected. so yeah, reached plaza kotaraya at ard 9 to have breakfast (in which mommy asked me to just forget abt fasting as its gonna be a long tiring journey, so yeah, i broke fast even though i contemplated for a while because i could taste the food another time. hee :P ) and off to pasar tani where a malaysian guy started talking with me. annoying much!

him: mane satu mak awak? (which one is your mother?)

me: *points to her*

him: dari singapore eh? (from singapore?)

me: ya.

him: singapore mane? (singapore where?)

me: -.- dlm dunia arh (in this world arh) *i didn even think that he will knw the many parts of singapore :/ *

him: yeluh, sblh malaysia. (besides malaysia)

me: hmm. ya.. eh bawah malaysia. (no, under malaysia)

him: hmmm, bawah johor (underneath johor)

me: yeahh..

and i was giggling alrd cos its a stupid conversation.
and mommy gave me that stareeeee! HAHAHA!!

and we went to larkin before heading off to mydin supermarket and off to godknowswhere i cannot rmb anymore.. heh. bt it was fun. i bought stuffs for the mosque people bt thennnn, i decided nt to go today (even though soadiq and arif was asking me to go) cos i am falling sick and despite that, i still wanted to fast with all these giddy spells and flu. slight fever? maybe...

anyways, happy national day everyone. i decided to not spend my national day this year with anyone cos apparently, i dun have anyone special on my list :) and i am fasting tmr. last day to payback and after tmr, im done with my last yr's debts :) and 1 day rest and continue for ramadan. i really cant wait for ramadan to come. idk why bt yeah, that auspicious month is oh, so special. probably because i rarely get to meet my family members and cliques and nw ramadan is a good way to spend time with them, esp with my family. i havent eaten with them for so long, even as a family because i am just .........

and bombom, thank you for the medicine you offered. hahaha! appreciate it much bt no, i am not falling for you again. :) i am nt gonna be your 'mistress' for another 2nd time because i am simply nt just anyone you can take advantage of. i have my pride and face to take care of. oh, this applies to all the guys out there. if you ever think of making out with me or whatever, even when you are a date, dun hv that thought. i am nt some cheap girl that you can take advantage of. i am a tudung girl and i am gonna start behaving like one :) i am nt your wife and i think if you treat me like that, you cn nvr be my husband in the future. people say its easier to forgive rather than forget. so yeahhh, bad memories last longer than the good ones when it comes to an ended relationships for me. whats the point of remembering all the good stuffs when most of the guys i've met are such jerks righttt??

oh wells, its better to live alone :) and nt be with anyone because aishah now cant be bothered to be concern of guys feelings anymore.

and dear friend, im sorry if i behaved hostile-y towards you. i dun mean to and i didn even realise it. i just hope you forgive me for all those attitude that i gave you. it is simply because i dun wan others to think i am flirting with you etc. and yeah, ur nt the only guy who calls me sombong. i really am not and it really hurts me ly tt when guyfriends calls me so. i am nt arrogant. i just have an image to take care of because guys can nvr understand the responsibilty

of a girl, a girl like me. stuffs that i do, only i know the reason because like i said before, it is nvr easy to understand me. i keep thoughts to myself and until i found someone whom i can really open up to, that man will hold the key to my heart. and so far, the only man who managed to do it is 4. it is nvr easy to recover from those heartbreaks bt im glad as i grow older, i grow stronger too. to these 4, i appreciate that you guys came and im glad it ended too. the experiences you guys gave will always be remembered because i used to love you 4 dearly, with the whole of my heart :)

toodles ~~ sorry for the long post! heh!