Dear Diary,

i had a busy weekend and i is tired.
thank god i is free today and decided not to meet up with anyone
plus,the fact that im still sick :(
been junking a lot lately! heeee... oh wells..

headed down to the clinic after work on thursday with dad cos of the persistent cough and never-endless sneezing at work.. the doctor gave me an mc for friday and i thought i didn reali need it.. but it definitely came in handy on friday cos i felt dizzy,what with the medicine effect havent gone off. so yeah, rested at home and slept alot :) and head down to work earlier than usual on saturday :) and surprisingly,there wasn much ppl coming.. and since i had tuition at 3 and a bbq to rush for, i decided to leave work earlier to rush home and wash up and pack for bbq. the 1 and a half hour session turned to be more than 2 hours.. oh wells, that boy needs motivation to learn english! -.- rushed to downtown east at 530 and reached there almost 7. havent been there for so long and i almost got lost finding the pit.

initial plan was to not sleepover there because i had an outing with the prisch gfs the next day. it was reali cold there :( and i didn bring my jacket.. i was super lazy to walk all the way to busstop at night cos the rest decided to overnight there with the aunt's family so yeah,stayed over and hang ard with the aunt and the sisters until 2 plus since the sister's bf came over to the pit. me and sister left for sleep and OMG! my body ached like one mad bitch the morning i woke up at 7 plus cos the small cousins were making super much noise! hmmmph..

reached home at 11 plus and decided too rest for a while. didn reali sleep cos there were nice shows to watch :) esp LOVE IS CINTA! hooo.. i love that show can?? and yeah,that show taught me one thing. it gave me an answer to my situation.. hell yeah.. it didn helped much but at least,i know what i've been waiting for... an answer..

i just need an answer so that i'll be able to live life peacefully.u left me hanging and it upsets me.by right,i shud be hating you but no,i dun. i cant bring myself to because of the sweet memories we share. right till now,after being lost for almost 2 months,i just got to know what i'm waiting for.. an answer.. just an answer to all these mess and the confusion state where u left me. why did ur love fade away? when i know the answer,i think that'll be the day when i can truly move on. and i wanna know,love.. if u ever love me truly before? or was it just a moment of folly,where ppl mistake their big crushes for love? i wanna knw the answer to these 2 questions so that it'll be easier to move on and i wont have to keep on crying,thinking hw pathetic it is to wait for an answer from someone whom i truly loved with my whole heart. letting that someone take over places where only special ppl are kept in my heart. and,he is the only one that remains now.

met up with shahira&nadiah at outram because those girls wan to watch sunset at the pinnacle@Duxton and that building only has access for non-residents on the 50th floor! fuck the lift and the system cos it scares me and the girls so! hahahs.. and yes, 50th floor!!!! i think that'll be my virgin and definitely the last trip to that high storey. it's scaryyyy!!! realiiiiii :/ and nothing much to see from top. hahas.. except for chinatown -.- and a bit of town and the singapore flyer and lots of vessel ships (which reminds me of kambeng :( eeee.. i miss that kambeng cheebye alot cannn?? :( ) after that,headed down to marina square for a real late dinner at 9 and drop by the EuroFunFair beside esplanade.. i rode the TopGun before and i is not riding it again! totally heart????? .. so yeah,we went our separate ways home and i reached home at 1140..washed up and headed to sleep,leaving dearest asyik to wait for my reply.. hahh! padan muke! :P

the singapore flyer reminds me of someone who said that when he brings me to ride the flyer,i wont be so scared because he'll be there to ensure that im fine,just standing there,being in his arms.. there is only one guy who said this to me,and that is the exbf :(

im still thinking how to get back into love.. and ridzuan,im sorry i landed you into such a state. im not worth ur deep love. i truly wan you to find someone much more worthy than i am. pls do not suffer because of me. i apologise if all these while,i gave you false hope.. it is not my intention to do so and you knw hw i truly feel for you. i asked myself who has taken my ability to love away and i realised,it is just me. my heart is with me because the exbf has returned it and im not prepared to give it to anyone.. because i knw,once i give it away,it'll break again.. u may say i wont hurt you or i wont break your heart. i've heard that from alot of guys alrd and even the exbf. but look at where it has brought me to... im just a heartbroken girl who wants to be by herself for now and not be with anyone.im not willing to get myself hurt anymore. and by being in a relationship, it means that im ready for all that heartbreaking moments, be it small arguments or whatever. but the thing is,im just not ready.. and i dun wan you to wait cos there are girls out there who deserves to b loved by you, not me.. pls,i wan you to take good care of urself if not for me. i dun wan anything to happen to someone whom i feel close to,no matter hw far you are.. so pls,do not be so kind to me and sacrifice urself just to prove my importance to you.. you alrd showed it and i appreciate it.. i reali am sorry i cant fulfil ur wish for ur birthday today. i just hope things will work out great between us,even though we are friends. insyaallah,u will be healthy again. you have to be strong for urself. you have ur friends and family,including me to love you. so pls,stay strong ok? im still here,whenever you need me to.

farij is back! :) and i may be meeting him tmr? but i is meeting hafizah to visit her niece at nuh.. so yeah,meeting him is not confirmed yet! i wan to be home early tmr so that i wont be so tired for work on wed.. hmmm, 8 more days to seeing asyik's smile before my last day.. aiyaiyaiii!! apparently,i may be gg out with him for kakak's open house in march :) but that shy boy is just so shy,he prefers to sit at the void deck while waiting for me.. btl punye kental pemalu! worse than me! oh wells, i shall find think of some cheeky plans to make him go to her open house and not be so shy cos he has to find a gf too... definitely not me cos i told him to treat me like a fren or a younger sister :) thank you very much! but i think he treats me like one small kid because apparently, he and baey, a colleague of mine who is of the same age as asyik,treats me like one small kid at work.. they just wont stop bullying me! pfftt.. tk perlu ehk! oh oh,shall i expect some hongbaos from the chinese colleagues?? heeee... hopefully sooo!!! and i'll definitely bug baey to give me hongbao too,married or not! heee..

ok,i need to sleep! kbye!
and i have so many pics to upload from the bbq and the val's day out with the girls.. ytd's outing was alrd more than 200 pics! hahas.. tuluh, shahira nak action jadi photographer! hahahs.. and model model sumer,nk pose tu and ini.. mane tk banyak??! ahahaahs.. oh wells, i've uploaded only a third of it so yeah,when i free,i update blog and upload the pictures and edit them?? so cantik sikitsss :) heeeeee... and that photo that will look good with frames, i'll make them look nicer yeas?? PROMISE!!! ;)