♥ AishahhhS ♥

.Saturday, April 18, 2009 ' 8:52 PM Y

Dear Diary,

i'll be happy,moving on.

but i feel numb.

seriously numb.

no words can express how i feel

but at least,i can do my own things now w/o anyone stopping me :)

thanks for being there all these while, through my ups and downs :)

including syed and elly

u guys brought the old me back again to life.thanks you so much. :)

CONGRATS on the GOLD, golden girls <3
MIOO's next :/
and more performances coming up.
YES!!

CONGRATS on the CHAMPIONSHIP,garnet cheerleaders!
cant wait to work with you guys again :)

the fave gfs of all time <3

i realised i've been missing all these pics in my blog.

and YOU(PS:not passerby),stop assuming u know so much abt my life luh,pls.

ur still a stranger and i swear,i reali hate ur advices.

stop being a know-it-all in my life when u barely know me.

like seriously.u dunno what i've suffered through and ur advices just disgusts me.

bluek!! :P

the memories of you and me,

the songs we shared together.

i'll keep it inside of me until im gone

im not shedding tears for you anymore.

neither do i long for you and your love.

im just hoping someday,you'll find someone who understands you better.

someone who can tolerate your behaviour.

someone who can change herself for you.

someone who has the same hobbies and beliefs with you.

im sorry im not the one.

im sorry im not patient.

im sorry i hurt you.

im sorry for making you cry.

but most importantly,im sorry i cant change you.

ur promises

i wished they came from ur heart and that u will fulfil them

but its pretty obvious u didn.

oh wells,some guys are just guys.

(and some girls are just girls.)

i dun blame you but i blame myself more.

be happy.

when u find me,pls dun quarrel with me like how we did today.

all these while,i hate quarrelling with you.

and i still do.tt will remain.

sincerely from the bottom of my heart,i pray tt u'll go thru the operation tmr successfully.

i pray that you recover if the operation goes well.

take good care of yourself cos the one who had always care for you is not with you anymore.

im sure there are others and i hope u appreciate their care for you.

take care,ex bf.

and for now,i still think i love you.

love you much.although i know that will change,in time to come.

im moving on already.and i know u already did.

the numbness im feeling now.

i think its good.

whatever confessions i hear,i feel nothing.

i know it came right down from your heart.

i reali do.

i know you meant every word that you say.

i reali do.

but i still feel numb.

im not able to do anything now.

im sorry if i faltered your hopes on me once again.

i didn mean to make you disappointed.

im just scared of the consequences.

im still lost.

im still confuse.

i dunno when i will recover.

but if it takes too long,pls,guys,move on.

dun wait for me,pls.

dun put your hopes too high on me.

i dun wan to choose,and i refuse to choose.

im not gonna hurt anymore ppl,esp close guy friends

ur friendship means a lot to me,like the other gfs.

i appreciate the attention and care u showered upon me.

but im sorry,i cant reciprocate your love for me.

i reali cant.

not now.

not in the near future.

probably never.

you guys are the ppl whom i trust now,including the gfs.

if situation changes in the future,im afraid i cant take the heartbreak.

i've had enough.

combined together with the past relationships,im still hurting badly.

i reali am.

i hate my love life.i reali do.

i guess that explains the numbness.

i've had enough of sweet promises from guys.

i've had enough of having hopes on guys.

i've had enough of believing that the guy i'll be with will be the last guy for me.

i've had enough of heartbreaks.

i've had enough of crying.

i've had enough of suicidal thoughts.

i've had enough of relationships in my 20 years of life.

i've had enough for all.

i just want to move on,alone.

i know i can make it.

that way.i'll be happier

cos the presence of friends are there, 24/7

cos i still have my family to turn to

cos i have my passion so that i can run away from the evil side of life.

cos im just me

im just the old me again

except that im not craving for the love from a guy anymore.

numb - the cause of it all