.Tuesday, March 17, 2009 ' 11:03 PM Y
Dear Diary,
im definitely in no mood to blog.
birthday's tmr.
and i have no mood to celebrate.
bf's off to brunei.
and i've got tons of hw.
shall make my way down to nenek's house on sat.
mr m is gg to dubai.
goodness.
i shall stop.
anyways,congrats to the other cheerleaders for winning the championship this yr.
the bonds shared with you guys,esp nurul and syikin are nice.
im glad we're closer now,esp syikin.
thanks for the advices and stories shared.
not forgetting the other cheerleaders who won and tried their best too.
thank you to pig for the choco before the cheerleading competition and for ur unknowing presence in school
appreciate it much
thank you to elly and fizah for coming down to see ur this super kental and selenge gf cheering
thank you to the teachers who gave us advices,esp ms tee,mr yew and mr tan.
it helped motivate me and it acts as an inspiration for me.
thank you to danbff for the meaningful msg.i miss him :(
thank you to bf for waiting for 3 hours,just for me to finish my cheer prac that night.
despite being tired,u stayed to wait up for me.
despite being sleepy,u stayed up till i reached home safely when ur in camp
despite hating dance,u understood my passion and love for music and arts.
i know i havent been spending time with you but i hoped i had made up for it for the past few days.
before u were off to brunei for 2 long weeks.
gee.
i super miss you badly!!!and i just cant stop crying. :(
pig says changes are constant.
FAMILY says i've changed.
my change just became worse.
im no more the girl they knew anymore.
the girl who prioritise her schoolwork and family anymore.
haish.
i feel depressed.i know i need help.
trying to find help here.
thank you syed and fizah.
thank you to pig for the constant presence by my side,though not physically.
thank you to elly for listening to my woes.
thank you to syikin for giving me advices for a better relationship.
i cant thank you guys enough.im just hoping i'll revert back to the old me.
i know there'll be a bit of changes but dun blame me.
i've had enough of certain things.
i hate being too understanding now i feel ready to explode.
i hate being too friendly cos some friends just stabs me behind the back
i hate being too kind cos ppl take advantage of me
i hate being too dependent cos now i am wat i am cos of tt
i hate the changes in me but am i to blame for wat happened??
cant u just think for urself??
how come its only syed shouldering all the blame when he's only partly responsible??
WHY???
if it wasn for u!!!yes YOU!! this wouldn have happened.
i wouldn be so weak.
i wouldn be so stressed up cos why,u took one of my strongest pillar away!
i wouldn be undergoing these changes.these drastic changes!!!
can u just freaking get away from my sight and life??!!!
i wished i was blind so i wouldn see u in school
i wished i was deaf so i couldn hear ppl talk to me abt you or complains from them abt you when YOU ARE NO ONE TO ME!!!!pfft
i wished i had a bigger mouth and just shout directly at your face to leave school just so i could live a better life.
i wished i had just left school and taken a course that i reali want.
i wished i had chosen poly instead of MI
i wished life wasn so stressful as it is now!!
if it wasn for people who talks but no actions
if it wasn for ppl who turned me like this
now i know promises are meant to be broken
now i know i have to rely on myself more cos the world outside and inside is harsh.
super harsh.
and i shall just stick by the family
i wished BF was here.
i miss him badly.
i miss listening to his voice.
i miss his morning and goodnight msgs.
i miss his hugs
i miss his kiss
i miss his jokes
i just miss him!!
i need a good laugh.
i need to stop being this way!!
help???
happy advanced birthday to me??
this is the suckiest birthday ever,the worst in my whole life!!
:'(