.Saturday, March 28, 2009 ' 6:50 PM Y
Dear Diary,
the 2 weeks without the boyfriend has been almost smooth sailing,
except that im having my moodswings in which pig became the victim
pig: tell your bf come back faster luh.i cannot take this agony anymore
(after i decided to talk to him after 2 nights of not talking to him at all!!! :/ )
this week's been hectic.
trainings are practically everyday and my legs are already aching.
and i gotta know that this intensive training will end aftr OO!!
like wat the hell.
the school's invited the media and a few other principals and VVIPs from godknowswhere for the ceremony
and and and,on that day itself,the people present in the hall must vote for the performing arts group like who performs better and all.
like wtf?!?!?! doinks!!
and during the past week,i've been clearing things with ppl,esp syed.
i know bf will not like this but for me to revert to the old me,the not depressed an stressed up me,i had to turn to syed.
not that the girls weren't there but syed use to love the old me.
not that i want him to love me again (which is up to him) but my friends wants the old me back.
the important FAMILY wants the old me back.
the boyfriend wants the old me back
(i still rmbed him calling me in the middle of the night crying badly.god,how bad i felt and im sorry for treating u tt way bf.u gotta know that however sad i feel,and if i tell you,u'll be down too.i dun wan u to get affected.yes,we must share our ups and downs.but then again,this involves me and me only.not you.at least im the old me now.so we're back to more childish fights (CHOY!!!) when you come back :P )
talking abt which,he'll be coming back this monday morning after 2 weeks of dead silence.
god knows how much i miss him,the buckets of tears that flowed down.
thanks to pig and m for taking care of me,not forgetting the friends and family
and speaking abt tears,i think i contained the missing too much that i started to break down again a few nights ago.
:P
anyways,thanks for the birthday wishes,treats and presents.
to beloved bf for the advanced celebration
to m for wishing me advanced wish
to fizah for being the first one at 12mn
to atiqah for the movie treat(even though i tricked her that the show was an epic movie but it was actuali horror :P
to atikah and fizah for the present
to syed for the long long email he sent to knock some sense into my head
to the dancers who upon my reach,gave me a hug (each one of them.awww!!i love you guys super much pls :) )
to pig's bunk mates for the english and malay version of happy bdae songs u guys sang. (doinks)
and to the others.
i appreciate it pls :)
oh yes,today is beloved shahira's birthday. lol. happy 20th babe. u know i always love you.muah muah
i feel good after saying sorry to those who were badly affected by my changes.
drastic,bad but now its over. i dun feel as depress anymore except abt the OO thingy.doinks!! grrr
anyhoots,got kendarat tmr with the cbss clique. they helped a lot in me reverting to my old self,except the part abt juncong.DANG!that hurt much and made me confused for a while.
PS:redzwan,be strong.and dun forget,dun be complacent.just pray miracles will happen and you know the family,incluing my family wishes you all the best,
PS :to suhailah,sufie and suzana,i hope u guys get well soon.love you guys much :)
PS:to gf,ur words in the bus "hmmm..ur more to your old self now" realise how much i've hurt you and the others last time.and im sorry abt tt.mayb im more quiet now cos i still have a bit more of things in my mind.but u know i love you. :P
PS:to pig,sorry if u got affected by my moodswings.bf was usually the victim but now its u. BF IS GONE FOR TOO LONG!! :(
im glad we're ok now. but after each quarrel,i cant help but to feel awkward,considering im still having my moodswings.but no worries, i think things are gg to be fine.
PS:to syed and fizah,u guys have been a great support to me after knowing abt my problem.this HUGE&SERIOUS problem.and fizah,thanks for being there when i broke down cos i missed bf too much.doinks :P
PS:to m,i know this may sound unappreciative of me.but u know wtv u say,my feelings wont change.now ur ex wants you,go back to her luh.like u said,u wont snatch away other ppl's gf but by ur doing all this.ur making me feel guilty and indebted to you which i dun like at all.yes,im fully aware of your deep feelings for me but i think gg back to ur ex would do you good cos she'll appreciate you more.unlike me.i already have someone and when that someone is nt here,i already hv ppl to take care of me.im not saying that i dun need you but pls,do take me as a fren.i've told you to move on so mnay times.so,pls do.im not worthy of your love and sacrifices.you've done too much without me asking for it.and not forgetting,a huge thanks for taking care of me,though no physically and etc-ly but i certainly hope you do treat me as a sister or a fren.
PS:to s,why the hell do u have to come back to make my nights a nightmare???stop calling me in the middle of the night to talk abt your ex la.it pisses me off you know!!like to a large extent!!!and stop treating me like your gf luh.where i am,who i went out with,wat time i sleep etc is none of your bizwiz.go get a life and find another girl luh.im so irritated with you now.suddenly ur there.and suddenly,ur not there.wat is this???doinks!!i shall avoid you from now on.u have another girl to talk to now.go find something else to do luh.i dun have tt much time to entertain you or help you anymore.when she's busy,then u find me.wtf?!?!ans stop talking to me abt the past.yes,you were special but now ur not.ur just a fren,and an irritating one at tt too.doinks!
ok,gotta go pray now cos i'll be sleeping over at nenek's house today and wake up early tmr morning to go to amk and then to tamp.hee!!i cant wait to meet the sec sch gfs again.lovelovelove you guys much!!
leave my bf alone luh!!!u got bf ready right???!!!go find your bf luh.my bf is not your bf u know!!doinks!!